Things to Say (and Not Say) to Someone with Anxiety

If you’ve ever had a friend struggling with anxiety, you know how hard it can be to find the right words. You want to help — but sometimes, well-meaning comments can make things worse.

Here’s a quick guide on what’s helpful to say, and what’s best to avoid.

Things to Say

These phrases show empathy, understanding, and support:

1. “I’m here for you.”

Simple, reassuring, and no pressure. 2. “That sounds tough — want to talk about it?”

Lets them share if they want, without forcing it. 3. “What do you need from me right now?”

Gives them the power to guide the support they want. 4. “It’s okay to feel this way.”

Validates their emotions instead of dismissing them. 5. “Let’s take a break together.”

Offers a calming distraction without making them feel like a burden.

Things Not to Say

Even with good intentions, these can feel dismissive or unhelpful:

1. “Just relax.”

If they could, they would — it’s not that simple. 2. “It’s all in your head.”

Minimises their very real physical and emotional symptoms. 3. “Other people have it worse.”

Comparison doesn’t help — it often makes people feel guilty for struggling. 4. “You’re overreacting.”

Can make them feel judged and misunderstood. 5. “Don’t think about it.”

Anxiety doesn’t switch off by willpower alone.

Extra Tips

• Speak in a calm, gentle tone.

• Offer to do grounding activities together, like deep breathing or a short walk.

• Respect if they need space — support doesn’t always mean constant talking.

The Bottom Line

When someone is anxious, the goal isn’t to “fix” them — it’s to make them feel safe, heard, and supported. Your words can be a steady anchor in a moment when their mind feels stormy.